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Hi my name is Sander. I'm a 17 years old HootOwl that rather lives in a world full of music and cubes then in Reality.Welcome to my Blog :)

So yeah, I am home finally. I am glad that I am back and I am really tired.

My mum also said that she wants me to go back in therapy because she believes that I am struggling too much with the person I like. She wants me to find a way to deal with it, but tbh I don’t want to go back to that place.

I know that it is not good to be too attached to someone, but what if this person is just the only thing that wants to make you breath. I can’t think of actually anything else to make myself live for. I don’t want to fail and end it all, but I am really afraid that I will if I lose that feeling.

I am so sad that i’m going back into therapy. I honestly wish I was dead right now, but I am not. Maybe that is the positive thing right now. That I am actually not dead.

The isn’t really anyone who needs me, but I am here. Living the life that I never imagined to live. I am starting to feel better, although I have been quite sad the last days.

I’ve stopped doing so many bad things and I think I can honestly say I changed. But I don’t understand that I need to go in therapy for liking someone.

She says that she wants to understand it better and wants to teach me how to handle these things. But I am already trying to figure out how to do this. How to let go.

Because i have a feeling that I won’t be talking for a very long time with you anymore. I want to help you and I am here for you, but you won’t make use of it.

I wish I had someone to hug right now, but there isn’t anyone. That’s probably also my fault. Anyways, goodnight.

So yeah, 6th and final day. We went too the Olympic Arena and we ate at the Hard Rock Cafe. Not much special, but it’s nice to close it off.

I am glad that I’ll be back home tomorrow. I am probably going straight to my room and cry there for a few hours because I feel so fucking miserable and I really feel like doing that.

Maybe after that watch a disney movie on netflix so I feel a little bit better or read a the book I just bought.

I am feeling so lonely right now and I wish I had someone to talk too, but there is not really anyone right now that I want to share my problems with. They probably wouldn’t really care anyways.

I hope that I will feel better again soon.

Also, I don’t get the #100happydays thing on facebook. I mean, is it something where you are going to force yourself to be happy?

Like: I am whipping this old men’s ass. Let’s make a selfie and post it on facebook #100happyday so people can see how happy I am doing this.

It’s just weird. Just like all those things where you need to trow water on yourself or you need to give the person that nominated you alcohol. It’s funny to see people get wet. But not when it is out of free will.

I also broke my promise today to not do a thing towards you for a week, I guess I kind of really wanted it. Well I guess that I just miss you maybe.

Well anyways I am going to sleep and if you read till this point, thank you for reading this and have a good day or night (:



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